The advice I wish I'd been given...

Before becoming a mother I got lots of advice - some of it usefull, some not. Now that I am a mom, I can easily look back and think "Man, I wish someone would have told me this." Of course, hind sight is 20/20 and even if someone had told me, like so many things you experience as a mother, you don't truly understand it until you go through it.

Here's a bit of background. As you read this post please know that I am not currenly feeling this way (what I am about to describe) but I have felt it several times in the past. What is bringing it up again is what other moms have recently been telling me, as well as things other moms have been writing on their blogs. Maybe someday I will have a daughter (if not, perhaps a daughter-in-law) who will read this and take something from it that will help her as she begins her journey as a mom.

The advice that I wish I'd been given when I was pregnant was: prepare to be judged and second-guess yoursef all the time. (Ok, maybe not all the time, but that's what it sometimes feels like.)

This unfortunately begins when you are pregnant. Upon discovering that you are pregnant, people will begin asking you questions about your pregnancy. Examples: 1) Are you drinking caffiene? 2) How much exercise are you doing? 3) Will you have the baby at a hospital or in your home? 4) Will you use an epidural? 5)Midwife or doctor?
And some may then proceed to tell you their views on such matters. Leaving you feeling doubtful and questioning your previously made decisions.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there. In fact, things only get worse once you have the baby. Examples: 1)Formula or nursing? 2)Baby sleeping in your room or the nursery? 3)Cloth diapers or disposables? 4)When will you introduce solids? 5)Pacifier or not? 6)Will you vaccinate your child? 7)Your baby isn't sleeping through the night yet? 8)Your baby isn't sitting up yet? 9)Will your child sleep on their back or tummy? 10)He's not crawling yet? 11)Will you make him cry himself to sleep or will you rock him to sleep? Etc. etc. etc.

Now I do believe that some people ask you these questions just because they are genuinely curious. They could care less what you decide to do in these situations. I also believe that some people ask you these questions and then proceed to tell you what they did when they had babies because they just want you to know what options are out there. They don't necessarily think their way is "right." Unfortunately, there are some who have very, very strong views on such things and will question you on your decisions if they don't match their opinions. Be prepared for this and use the best advice I was ever given once I had Muchkin. It was given to me by my mom: Only you are the child's mother. Use your instinct. I would add to that: Once you've used your instinct, don't beat yourself up about it.

FYI: This next part might be too much information for some.
I stopped nursing Munchkin when he as two weeks old. I don't want to get into my reasoning here, but I have to tell you that I went through months, and I mean months of guilt. There were a few who looked down on me because of it (but most were very encouraging), but I know I made the right decision. Yes, there are all sorts of studies out there telling you what is best, safest, healthiest, for babies/children concerning all sorts of things, not just nursing. And I think as mothers it is our responsibility to know those things. However, it is ultimately your decision as to how your raise your child.

As I wrap this up, I have one more piece to add to my advice. Most of the time the person who will judge you the most will be yourself. As mothers we are so critical of ourselves. Maybe I shouldn't speak for all mothers. I just know that I have been most critical of myself. At times we may perceive that others are judging us, but really we are the ones pointing the finger at ourselves. My advice: cut yourself some slack. There is no manual to this most important job in the entire world. Every child is different and has different needs. Just as every mother is different and has different needs. God knew that your child needed you for his mother. No other woman on earth would be the right mom for him. So as long as you and God are on common ground as to how to raise this precious babe, there is no reason to doubt yourself as a mother.